X Factor 2011: The Finale
Dec 11th
IT’S THE FINALE.
I’ve invariably lost the will to blog by the final. Maybe it’s because all the acts I like have usually gone (poor Scottish Adele); maybe it’s because nothing could top Alexandra Burke crying in Beyonce’s face; or maybe it’s sheer exhaustion. So, readers, here are some half-hearted observations about Saturday’s finale (submitted approximately 16 hours too late). Read the rest of this entry »
X Factor 2011: Week Nine
Dec 4th
Morning all. I was out last night, so sincere apologies for the delayed X Factor blog. I know, I know, it’s the semi-final and I should be demonstrating commitment. Well, is dragging yourself out of bed at 8:30am enough commitment for you? Yes? Jesus, you guys are demanding.
I’m also watching online via Scottish TV player on a computer that can’t handle fast graphics. Which means minus points to anyone who tries to move in their performances. I’m essentially looking for people who can stand rigidly still throughout.
Dermot’s dancing annihilates my computer. Read the rest of this entry »
X Factor 2011: Week Eight
Nov 26th
Hello everyone! Tonight it’s a “Heroes and Guilty Pleasures” theme. This has got to be the week when someone does “Swagger Jagger”, hasn’t it? That’s what we’re all hoping for, right? And as for guilty pleasures, I have high hopes for Shampoo. Read the rest of this entry »
X Factor 2011: Week…oh god what week is it? [IT'S WEEK SEVEN]
Nov 19th
Movie week. Otherwise known as pick a song and then work out how it might be related to a movie week. Following last week’s bottom two debacle I’ve lost all faith in the Great British public; also, I’ve eaten half a 180g Cadbury’s chocolate bar within the last two minutes. This could be a tough evening.
I really hope someone sings the music from Inception tonight. Read the rest of this entry »
X Factor Blog 2011: Week Three
Oct 23rd
Hello readers! I know, I know, Rock Week is likely to be unbearable. So let’s try and find ourselves a safe reference point for this week to hold onto throughout. Back in the olden days, week three used to mean “Big Band Week”. This arguably brought us some of the show’s best performances, including Leona Lewis’s game-changing “Summertime” in 2008. This seminal performance is today’s point of comparison.
On the other hand, past Rock Weeks have brought us…*gaping, aching silence*. Read the rest of this entry »
X Factor Blog 2011–Week Two
Oct 16th
Week Two. Last week our benchmark for assessing an act’s quality was: can they both sing AND rap. This week’s yardstick: is their performance as good as Cher Lloyd’s week two performance of “Hard Knock Life” from last year?
And like Gary Barlow, I don’t want silly, I don’t want “fun”. I want taking-it-seriously performances followed by constructive criticism. With rap.
As I’m late with this week’s blog, a personal challenge for me: can I sum up each act in one tweet-worthy sentence? *Rolls sleeves up*. Read the rest of this entry »
X Factor Blog 2011–Week One
Oct 8th
So it’s that time of year again! *Downs a mulled wine*. Which means the Almost Live Blogging of the X Factor is back for a third year, in the desperate hope that one day, someone, somewhere might actually pay me to write something like this on an apple mac or EVEN BLOODY OFFER ME A BOOK DEAL (hello Literary Agent Ex-Flatmate).
A lot’s changed in a year. Most significantly I can now only express thoughts about TV in 140 characters. #BringBackCherLloyd.
And a lot’s also changed on the X Factor. The show has returned completely brand new and in no way do we seem to have Diana Vickers, Katie Waissel and Tabby (for god’s sake) back in the Live Shows.
But what have we learnt from the last three years? Basically, we’re now only really interested if you can sing AND rap. That is the essential criteria by which we will judging the whole show this year.
That and whether the dog I’m dog-sitting for likes it. Good luck contestants! Read the rest of this entry »
Ten Reasons To Put Your Hands Up (because you, like me, love JLS)
Apr 25th
I thought long and hard about how best to return to the blogging scene. Only this morning, I walked past Rachel Stevens (or was she sitting there, waiting for me to come by? It’s possible) and thought to myself, ‘Yes. I’m totally ready to start almost-but-not-quite liveblogging Strictly Come Dancing.’ Alas for me but even more so for you, SCD is still some way off (though not as way off as Series 3 of Miranda: I occasionally wake up in a cold sweat convinced that it won’t return at all. 2012? TWO THOUSAND AND WHAT I CALL TWELVE?!). And so I turn to a subject just as close to my heart: the musical magnificence and boyish brilliance of JLS. By the end of this post, my one hope is that you too will put your hands up (and then down again, because you need to comment on the post pronto. Blog comments are like happy-birthday messages on Facebook: the only true measures of happiness). Read the rest of this entry »
X Factor 2010: The Final (Sunday)
Dec 12th
19.05: The beginning of the end. We’re left with three acts. Three acts who can all sing ballads quite well. Not sensationally well, like Leona Lewis, or with great performability*, like Alexandra Burke, or with relevant dance moves, like JLS. But still quite well.
I have a bottle of wine and some angel delight here, so am fully prepared. Read the rest of this entry »
X Factor 2010: The Final (Saturday)
Dec 11th
18.36: So here we are, eagerly awaiting the X Factor Final. I have a tube of Pringles and a bottle of wine, so am fully prepared. We’ve worked our way through Gamu-gate, Katie Waissal-gate, Wagner-gate and over ten performances of Rebecca standing completely still. If we’ve got through all that, we can get through the impending travesty that is Cher Lloyd not winning this thing.
18.45: Is there definitely no way in which Katie Waissel could win? For example, if a contestant got sick, could she take their place and do a duet of “Help” with Yoko Ono? Read the rest of this entry »
Contents