Misheard Lyrics
Jul 18th
I recently did an impressive performance of Diana Vickers’ “Once” at Karaoke. It’s hard to repeat the word “Once” 45 times and not lose your audience, but I think I managed it. Literary Agent Flatmate was there too and was shocked to discover the lyric that leads into each chorus isn’t “I’m gonna get the b**tch who killed me / Once (x45)”, but is actually “I’m only gonna let you kill me / Once (x45)”. I truly wish Vickers had sung Literary Agent Flatmate’s lyric and thereby delivered the first ever pop song from the perspective of a dead person, seeking revenge.
Literary Agent Flatmate’s mistake got me thinking about the other misheard lyrics I’ve come across and how they can change a song’s meaning. Half a day later, I had a top 10 and a blog post. So here are my favourite for you; and please add your own in the comments.
1. Grease: “You’re The One That I Want”
9 years ago my friend Lucy rightly pointed out that the cast of Grease actually sing “you’re the one that I want (you are the vol-au-vent)” rather than this widely believed “you’re the one that I want (you are the one I want)”. The pretentious ex-English Lit student part of me is convinced an amazing Lyricist put this in as a subversive comment on the depressing ending of Grease. Small hollow shells of puff pastry, after all, are a pretty good metaphor for the person Sandy has to become to make Danny like her.
Misheard: “You’re the one that I want (you are the vol-au-vent)”
Actual: “You’re the one that I want (you are the one I want)”
2. Celine Dion: “My Heart Will Go On”
Misheard: “Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that the hot dogs go on”
Actual: “Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that the heart does go on”
Any attempt to take Titanic seriously was ruined by the French & Saunders parody. The final nail in the coffin was The Boyfriend pointing out that Celine is actually singing about an impossibly long, omnipresent hot dog.
3. Lady Gaga: “Alejandro”
I think there might be something about me and food. Because my third mishearing is:
Misheard: “I love you boy, hot like Mexico, rejoice! At this point I gotta choose, no vindaloos”
Actual: “I love you boy, hot like Mexico, rejoice! At this point I gotta choose, nothing to lose”
Incidentally, is “hot like Mexico” the best ever simile in a song? Probably yes.
4. Shania Twain: “That Don’t Impress Me Much”
Misheard: “I can’t believe you kiss your [expletive too rude for this family friendly blog] at night”
Actual: “I can’t believe you kiss your car good night”
We used to be allowed the the radio on in class when I studied A Level Art back in the early noughties and every time this song came on the whole class would all sing, shouting out the misheard line. The misheard and actual phrases sound so similar the teacher never realised we were being rude, which was really hilarious. Once you have the first line in your head, you can never hear the real lyrics again. (Shania is right to express disbelief at either scenario).
5. Shania Twain: “That Don’t Impress Me Much”
Misheard: “You’re a regular Reginald, know it all”
Actual: “You’re a regular, original, know it all”
Another from Shania, this mistake was actually made by a karaoke machine and has now stuck. The karaoke machine was much more inventive than the original lyricist: what name better embodies the concept of a “know it all” than Reginald? Apologies to any Reginald’s in my Internet Following.
5. Janet Jackson: “When I Think Of You”
For years, I was convinced that Janet Jackson sung the words “baked bean” in “When I Think Of You”. I now admit that I was probably wrong.
Misheard: “So in love (so in love), ooh (so in love), with you (so in love), baked bean (so in love)”.
Actual: “So in love (so in love), ooh (so in love), with you (so in love), ba-by (so in love)”.
6. Des’ree: “Kissing You”
Is Des’ree’s Kissing You one of the greatest songs never released? Possibly yes. Even if it is lyrically incomprehensible. For years Literary Agent Flatmate believed the opening lyrics were:
Misheard: “While I can stand a thousand trials, Mr Wrong will never fall. The marching stars, without you my soul cries. Bleeding heart…”
Actual: “Pride can stand a thousand trials, the strong will never fall. But watching stars without you, my soul cries. Heaving heart…”
Essentially, quite different songs.
7. Mariah Carey: “Without You”
Misheard: “No, I can’t forget the ceiling, or your face as you were leaving”
Actual: “No, I can’t forget this evening, or your face as you were leaving”
I always loved the idea that Mariah (even though she didn’t write it, and it’s a cover) was being really clever here and suggesting she’d spent all night unable to sleep, pondered her about-to-end relationship, and therefore had been staring at the ceiling for approximately 12 hours. For me that whole pre-story was summed up in those first six words. Never mind. A much ruder mishearing of this song is here.
8. Lady Gaga: “Bad Romance”
Misheard: “I want your psycho, your vertical stick. Want you tomorrow when no baby is sick.”
Actual: “I want your psycho, your vertigo stick. Want you in my rear window, baby you’re sick”
I had no idea what Gaga was on about here (although I suspected that “vertical stick” was a bad Mills & Boons-esque euphemism and I’d also constructed a small back story around Gaga’s love interest in Bad Romance being married; and his child was ill today so he had to cancel their rendezvous). In actuality, Gaga is being much cleverer than I could have imagined and referring to a range of Hitchcock movies: Psycho, Vertigo and Rear Window. I *actually* love her.
9. Take That: “Back For Good”
My housemate was convinced that Gary Barlow was singing “Wash your back” rather than “want you back” throughout this song. I also thought that Barlow sung: “we will never be uncommon again” when it’s actually “uncovered again”. Neither of these interpretations make any sense, but I’m at number nine and struggling a bit, so they will do nicely.
Misheard: “Want you back for good (wash your back, wash your back)”
Actual: “Want you back for good (want you back, want you back)”
10. Bowling For Soup: “Girl All The Bad Guys Want”
Misheard: “She doesn’t notice me cos she’s watching West Wing”
Actual: “She doesn’t notice me cos she’s watching Wrestling”
Suggested by one of my Twitter friends, I wish the song did actually refer to the popular American TV series, the West Wing. And that watching it was the epitome of cool. Excitingly, this is the first time the blog has ventured into the musical genre of pop-punk.
Fell free to share your own in the comments section! And visit this brilliant website for more.
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