Stranded in Japan: Day 5
Apr 21st
Day five and we spend our days plotting the downfall of Marcel, the rude call centre worker at All Nippon Airways. We try to think of possible karmic scenarios where Marcel could end up stranded in a foreign country, with no money, and then need to call us for help (ha ha!). In other news, today someone clever decided to blast instrumental versions of Mariah Carey songs to us via a PA system throughout the streets of the airport town. I was moved by an instrumental version of “Music Box” and felt that the clever person chose it because of its relevant lyrics: “your love breaks away the clouds surrounding me”. I wonder how I can find the clever person and petition them to play “Bad Romance”.
The Boyfriend has taken to singing Michael Buble “Home”.
During my three weeks in Japan, I have also become obsessed with an amazing invention called Royal Milk Tea. This tastes like english breakfast tea but with a bit of cream in it and maybe fruit. Somehow all these flavours are produced from just a powder (with no milk needed!). Today, the airport town ran out of Royal Milk Tea. I am in crisis.
Stranded in Japan: Day 4
Apr 20th
I spend today wondering why there is sugar in all food in Japan, including bread, cheese and crisps. My days include big sugar highs (“I’m sure we will get home soon”) and massive sugar crashes (“we will never get home”). Our budget has dwindled to crisps sandwiches for me, whilst the Boyfriend braves unidentified battered meat products from the local supermarket. He refuses to eat the battered product with the fish tail sticking out of it, which disappoints me.
We find ways to fill the days without spending money. For example, I spend a significant amount of time trying to work out who has de-friended me from Facebook in the last week. I have also learnt that playing Monopoly after four days trapped in an airport hotel is not 100% wise.
I have now also written a short musical from Lady Gaga songs.
The airline has said we will be flying home on May 4th: 17 days after our scheduled flight. I am zen-like in my reaction, having visited so many Japanese temples in the last three weeks. I do have another solution:
Stranded in Japan: Day 3
Apr 19th
Day 3 and we have taken to referring to ourselves as Ash Refugees. Dark thoughts have started. Like, what if the ash cloud clears from Europe but then covers Japan, and then I’ll be stuck in this airport town eating noodles in a fishy broth forever. I’m still experimenting with local Japanese cuisine: for example, McDonalds serves a shrimp burger (suspiciously called E.B.I Burger), which I am quite enjoying.
Expedia and Endsleigh are not replying to me on Twitter, but this only makes me the more determined. I have taken to following @theashcloud, who I find hilarious. My favourite tweets are below. Is this Stockholm Syndrome?
I have started to come up with solutions.
Stranded in Japan: Day 2
Apr 18th
Day two stranded in Japan. A suggestion has been made that we only eat one meal a day, in order to survive on the money we have left. I am hoarding Japanese KitKats in panic. (In fact I am becoming obsessive compulsive about collecting every different flavour of KitKats I find, varying from Soy-sauce to Corn on the Cob flavour. All of which ultimately make me gag).
The airline still have no idea how to get us home. Seeing as we may be stuck in Japan for the rest of our lives, we are trying to repatriate ourselves culturally. Today was the last day we could afford to travel into Tokyo, so we go to watch the Harajuku girls parade around. This makes me totally understand Gwen Stefani’s debut solo album. The Boyfriend has become obsessed with a Japanese song called Sakura. There is a lot going on in the music video, which we don’t currently understand.
Today we spent 45 minutes on hold to Expedia at £2 a minute a time, before we hung up. Horror stories of 4 hours on hold are circulating round Twitter. Expedia helpfully refuse to respond to us via email. I have decided to use social media to bring down the various companies who have let us down throughout the ash cloud crisis, and feel optimistic about this approach, like I could be the new Erin Brockovich.
I now have a clearer vision of our life in Japan long-term. I will work the Japanese toilet manufacturer Toto around and The Boyfriend will hand out leaflets for Maid Cafes in the street.
CNN are still being helpful. They have started showing clips from a documentary of a BA flight that flew through an ash cloud in 1982. My favourite bit is when a small child points out of the window to tell his Dad “look Dad, the engines are on fire”.
Stranded in Japan: Day 1
Apr 17th
The blog returns, to document my days stranded due to the ash cloud. As I am stranded in Japan, the home of popular culture, this of course fits into the Overarching Narrative.
I am stranded in Japan, due to the ash cloud. This sounds very “Lost In Translation” and quite enjoyable. It is not. Unlike Scarlett Johansson/Bill Murray I no longer have a budget and therefore my extra stay is expensive, potentially bankrupting. I feel strongly that I will never fly All Nippon again: I should have trusted my instinct about their name screaming disreputable, a bit like Aeroflot. I spoke to a very rude man there called Marcel in Customer Services, who told me they would not pay for anything and that, in fact, he would derive significant pleasure if I ended up sleeping on the (strangely neat and tidy) Japanese streets. The second bit might be a paraphrase, but is essentially true. The pleasure of my phone call with Marcel also cost me £80 pounds, as I might have spent a reasonable amount of time being slightly rude back.
Endsleigh insurance also won’t cover us because apparently they are too busy rolling around in the money that they are not paying out. Or instead because this is an “act of God” and therefore – at this time when you need your travel insurance more than ever, when you might be stranded in a foreign country several weeks - it’s not their problem. However, they are still more polite than Marcel and therefore anger me less.
We have found a business hotel near the airport, run by a man who looks like Lurch. Lurch is very interested in why two men would share a double bed in a hotel room.
CNN are being helpful and telling us that the volcano could continue erupting for two years. I have started to plan my life in Japan.
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