10 Popular Culture Predictions for 2010
Jan 3rd
In a quiet point during a Sunday afternoon Come Dine With Me marathon, my (Highly Effective) Corporate Flatmate and I discussed predictions for our friends in 2010. Whilst those predictions probably would be of interest to my Internet Following (which is mostly comprised of these friends) I have decided instead to publish 10 popular culture predictions for 2010. The aim is that, when each of these come true, I will be heralded as the Voice of Popular Culture and quickly approached by the Guardian to live blog for them.
So here we go:
1. A Friends reunion film will be announced.
After the success of Sex And The City: The Movie, *surely* the cast will realize there’s money in a movie? Friends is still loved (just ask E4) and time is running out. (PS. I still get a point if there is a one-off TV special).
2. The current Sugababes (version 4) will implode.
Due to the lack of a coherent identity. Version 1 will rise from their ashes.
3. Dannii will leave the X Factor and be replaced by Robbie Williams/Victoria Beckham/Eminem.
There was definitely something of the “I know I’ll probably be fired next year so I’m going to be occasionally subversive” about Dannii Minogue on the X Factor this year.
4. Robbie and Take That will properly reform.
At least for a one off charity single.
5. Twitter will be replaced with an even more relevant social networking tool.
Well, Facebook was trumped this year by Twitter: what comes around goes around.
6. Peter and Katie will get back together. And then split up again.
There will be an ITV2 show documenting every step of this process.
7. A group will win the X Factor 2010.
X Factor has shown it can produce successful female winners (Leona, Alexandra) and that it usually doesn’t produce successful male winners (Steve, Leon, Shayne, Joe). Following JLS, 2010 is the year for the show to prove that a group can win. Just so something new happens.
8. Eternal will reform.
Surely it is their year? Who can not love a band that incorporated three plus key changes into one song?
9. The ginger haired one from Girls Aloud will become the new Kate Bush, against all expectations.
Her awkward self-consciousness is the most interesting thing about Girls Aloud videos (after seven years she still looks embarrassed to be a popstar). Just imagine the fascinating solo career.
10. Something truly shocking will happen on Big Brother.
As it’s the final show, the Producers will not give a monkeys and will engineer something *truly* shocking. I predict a “housemates have 1 minute to decide as a group which other housemate to eat” task. Or maybe “one of the housemates is actually a cat” shocker.
So there we go. Please do add your own predictions below.
Statistics – Christmas Number Ones
Dec 20th
I’m going to admit something that I’m slightly ashamed of. I love statistics. And inspired by Joe Mcelderry’s slightly unnecessary revelation of heterosexuality this week, I’ve decided that I should proudly put it out there.
Today, against all odds, Joe was beaten to Christmas number 1 by Rage Against The Machine. It’s actually the second time an X Factor winner hasn’t claimed the Christmas number 1: Steve Brookstein didn’t either back in 2004, although that was because Simon Cowell delayed the release by a week so that Band Aid 20 could secure the number 1. (I hope this kind of knowledge is establishing me as a credible expert when it comes to popular culture, Literary Agent Flatmate? Even if I fear the deep statistical analysis that is to come will excite only myself).
What’s interesting this year are Joe’s sales compared to not only RATM but also previous winners*:
1 Rage Against The Machine 503k
2 Joe McElderry 451k
Previous winner’s first week sales:
2005: Shayne Ward: 742k
2008: Alexandra Burke: 576k
2006: Leona Lewis: 571k (and the most downloaded song of 2006)
2007: Leon Jackson: 275k
2004: Steve Brookstein: 250k
So, Leona, Alex and Shayne would’ve all beaten RATM whilst the other three boys wouldn’t have**. Interesting. It’s the first indication that Joe’s probably not going to have the success Alex and Leona did; however, some consolation for him, he might do better than Leon.
Shayne’s massive sales reveal that these stats aren’t a definitive guide to future success. I still maintain, however, that Shayne’s success is underplayed: his sophomore album Breathless reached number 2, beating Kylie’s big comeback album “X”, and selling over 450k. The campaign was only stopped short when they didn’t bother to release a third single, for no real reason (or because Syco were fixated on Leona).
Here are two other interesting Reality TV first week sales:
Will Young: “Evergreen/Anything Is Possible” (week one sales of 1.1 million):
No-one since has got anywhere close to Will Young’s week one sales of his first single (he outsold Leon, Steve and Joe’s week one sales in his first day). Even more, this wasn’t even at Christmas. It seems the magic of the first Pop Idol, where enormous viewing figures translated directly into unprecidented sales, will never quite be recreated.
Girls Aloud: “Sound of the Underground” (week one sales of 213k)
The other extreme: the lowest sales of the lot and yet they are the act (along with Will) who have had longevity. The figures are possibly low as there were two singles out from the show that year, Girls Aloud and their rival boyband One True Voice, splitting sales. Also, the song is as unchristmassy as they come. But it was an important and inspired choice as it set the group up as releasing slightly edgy, credible pop songs as opposed to, say, Hear’say. Incidentally, will I ever forgive Girls Aloud for this? A song about how the internet and texting is killing us?
Considering this year the X Factor final got more viewers than ever before, with 6 million votes registered for Joe, his sales are surprisingly low. In fact, approximately 0.75% of those who voted for him bought the single this week. Two other fascinating things: his download sales are much lower than Alex’s, suggesting his fanbase are a significantly older/younger demographic who don’t normally buy singles. Which may cause him to struggle in the long term. Secondly, even during the biggest Christmas number one battle, he’s still not trended on Twitter.
Possibly it’s the song choice: though is the Climb much worse than It’s My Goal? Joe’s PR machine this week has also been wildly misjudged: the first day Cowell came out with a vicious attack on RATM (annoying people more), the next day he wheeled out Cheryl Cole. When that didn’t work, he made Alexandra say something. And then Joe announces that he has finally bothered to listen to his rival’s song and that he thinks it’s so bad that Rage Against The Machine wouldn’t have made it to bootcamp. Oh god.
Whilst I’m here, the X Factor weekly voting stats have been released again this year which makes me tragically happy. Apart from the hilarious jokes that you can make about different acts topping each other in various weeks, what it mainly reveals is that the British public is almost entirely mad. More to come on this later…
*I’ve tried to be objective in my comments on Joe this week, as a loving gesture to the Boyfriend (Joe McElderry caused two arguments between us this weekend. I hope you’re proud Joe).
**Popular consensus is that it’s easier for a boy to win these shows over girls, due to the theory that it’s mainly women that vote and that they tend to vote for male acts they fancy, whilst hating other successful women (I’m looking at you, Housemate Who Voted For Calvin On Strictly 15 times This Weekend). What’s interesting is that the four most successful winners of these shows – arguably Leona, Alexandra, Girls Aloud and Will Young - include just one man. And a gay one at that. Maybe this is a whole blog piece in itself?
X Factor: Week 8 Live Show (Take That & Elton John)
Nov 29th
Take That & Elton John Week?* Why? Why not two artists who link in some way? Like Take That & Girls Aloud Week? Now that would be interesting/relevant/believable/credible/contemporary. Joe doing Love Machine, for example, would be fun. As would be Danyl singing “I’ve got to heat it up, Doctor, got to heat it up”, etc, etc.
Danyl:
1. Could It Be Magic:
Oh Danyl. Commenting on the group celebration of the charity single topping the charts by saying how great it would be to have a number 1 by yourself is *not* the way to shake off the arrogant image.
The slutty she vampires (aka the backing dancers) are growing in strength. They have multiplied in number in the past two weeks and spawned men. The two of them at the side seem to now have procured burning pitch forks, which I like to think is a metaphor for the public’s attitude towards Danyl.
He sang it quite well, bopped a bit, but it seemed tacky and overdone (Brian Friedman, I’m talking to you).
2. Your Song:
Whose idea was the child choir? Get out now. It has no relevance to the song. I’ll reluctantly accept a child choir when it means something to the song (brilliant example here 3 minutes in: who could forget Eternal’s apocalyptic warning of the social chaos we were descending into in 1997?), but I won’t accept it randomly in the middle of a love song, no matter how badly 10 year olds might want to sing on tele.
Despite that, quite good singing from Danyl here. However, screaming the first few lines of the song at your audience is one way of making it your own, but does make you look pretty arrogant. Again. Please someone coach this man.
He also only got a quarter of a halo light, therefore telling us that the Producers only want him to get as far as the quarter-final (compare this later to Stacey’s).
The Empty Space Zac Efron Leaves When He Exits A Room (Lloyd):
1. A Million Love Songs
The big question is: can the haircut keep him in the competition another week? Probably not, as this was flat virtually the whole way through.
2. I’m Still Standing:
The prop, Lloyd’s stick, came across as ever so slightly more interesting than its owner in this performance. I feel a bit harsh, as despite this, he’s sort of growing on me (why? why?). I think it’s in reaction to Joe. I keep saying I’d rather even Lloyd won than Joe, so I think that I’ve sort of started gunning for him now.
Cheeky Chappy (Olly):
1. Love Ain’t Here Anymore:
The VT explained that the crucial thing with this song is to convey genuine emotion. So yes, definitely the best way of doing this is by singing the song awkwardly to an audience member you’ve never met before.
The problem with Cheeky Chappy and ballads is that his voice isn’t quite strong enough. Danni was right, there was no sparkle (by this I mean emotion/energy, Simon, not literally that he should be grinning away as you seemed to interpret Danni’s comment. We all know that’s my pet hate).
2. Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting:
I really enjoyed this. The Brian Friedman production sort of worked, the she-vampires with signs actually worked, and he sang it in tune. My only beef was the awkward facial expressions Cheeky Chappy pulled when he had to sing the word Saturday seven times in a row. When Cheeky Chappy gets it right like this, I want him to win.
Joe:
1. Could It Be Magic:
2. Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word:
Stacey:
1. Rule The World
Look at the halo in this song:
It was OK and I liked her (now characteristic) belting out at the end, but she’s still too wobbly over the rest of the song. If she let go and gave a bit more passion, I’d forgive the wobbly notes: we need the odd feisty fist movement, a few Christ-like gestures and maybe the occasional falling to her knees with sheer emotion.**
However, if she just spoke on record (a bit like Kate Nash) I think I’d buy it.
2. Something About The Way You Looked Tonight
I disagree, Mr Cowell, I think this was much better vocally than her first song. And a rare occurrence: the style of the song matched well with the sexy, slinky sitting on the piano choreography.
Bottom One:
I predict Danyl. Which is sad.
Mathematical Formula says: Olly! Which would be a shock, as he should get rebound votes.
*Because Joe sang an Elton John song well last week, maybe, and the man in charge has decided he should win.
**It was pointless to change the lyrics: “If you stay with me girl boy/we could rule the world”. Boy doesn’t half-rhyme with girl and therefore doesn’t work.
Contents