Take That & Elton John Week?* Why? Why not two artists who link in some way? Like Take That & Girls Aloud Week? Now that would be interesting/relevant/believable/credible/contemporary. Joe doing Love Machine, for example, would be fun. As would be Danyl singing “I’ve got to heat it up, Doctor, got to heat it up”, etc, etc.

Danyl:

1. Could It Be Magic:

Oh Danyl. Commenting on the group celebration of the charity single topping the charts by saying how great it would be to have a number 1 by yourself is *not* the way to shake off the arrogant image.

The slutty she vampires (aka the backing dancers) are growing in strength. They have multiplied in number in the past two weeks and spawned men. The two of them at the side seem to now have procured burning pitch forks, which I like to think is a metaphor for the public’s attitude towards Danyl.

He sang it quite well, bopped a bit, but it seemed tacky and overdone (Brian Friedman, I’m talking to you).

2. Your Song:

Whose idea was the child choir? Get out now. It has no relevance to the song. I’ll reluctantly accept a child choir when it means something to the song (brilliant example here 3 minutes in: who could forget Eternal’s apocalyptic warning of the social chaos we were descending into in 1997?), but I won’t accept it randomly in the middle of a love song, no matter how badly 10 year olds might want to sing on tele.

Despite that, quite good singing from Danyl here. However, screaming the first few lines of the song at your audience is one way of making it your own, but does make you look pretty arrogant. Again. Please someone coach this man.

He also only got a quarter of a halo light, therefore telling us that the Producers only want him to get as far as the quarter-final (compare this later to Stacey’s).

The Empty Space Zac Efron Leaves When He Exits A Room (Lloyd):

1. A Million Love Songs

The big question is: can the haircut keep him in the competition another week? Probably not, as this was flat virtually the whole way through.

2. I’m Still Standing:

The prop, Lloyd’s stick, came across as ever so slightly more interesting than its owner in this performance. I feel a bit harsh, as despite this, he’s sort of growing on me (why? why?). I think it’s in reaction to Joe. I keep saying I’d rather even Lloyd won than Joe, so I think that I’ve sort of started gunning for him now.

Cheeky Chappy (Olly):

1. Love Ain’t Here Anymore:

The VT explained that the crucial thing with this song is to convey genuine emotion. So yes, definitely the best way of doing this is by singing the song awkwardly to an audience member you’ve never met before.

The problem with Cheeky Chappy and ballads is that his voice isn’t quite strong enough. Danni was right, there was no sparkle (by this I mean emotion/energy, Simon, not literally that he should be grinning away as you seemed to interpret Danni’s comment. We all know that’s my pet hate).

2. Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting:

I really enjoyed this. The Brian Friedman production sort of worked, the she-vampires with signs actually worked, and he sang it in tune. My only beef was the awkward facial expressions Cheeky Chappy pulled when he had to sing the word Saturday seven times in a row. When Cheeky Chappy gets it right like this, I want him to win.

Joe:

1. Could It Be Magic:

2. Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word:

Stacey:

1. Rule The World

Look at the halo in this song:

It was OK and I liked her (now characteristic) belting out at the end, but she’s still too wobbly over the rest of the song. If she let go and gave a bit more passion, I’d forgive the wobbly notes: we need the odd feisty fist movement, a few Christ-like gestures and maybe the occasional falling to her knees with sheer emotion.**

However, if she just spoke on record (a bit like Kate Nash) I think I’d buy it.

2. Something About The Way You Looked Tonight

I disagree, Mr Cowell, I think this was much better vocally than her first song. And a rare occurrence: the style of the song matched well with the sexy, slinky sitting on the piano choreography.

Bottom One:

I predict Danyl. Which is sad.

Mathematical Formula says: Olly! Which would be a shock, as he should get rebound votes.

*Because Joe sang an Elton John song well last week, maybe, and the man in charge has decided he should win.

**It was pointless to change the lyrics: “If you stay with me girl boy/we could rule the world”. Boy doesn’t half-rhyme with girl and therefore doesn’t work.