Can I begin with some Cheryl Cole rage? Last year she was the star of the series, demonstrating honest but fair criticism with down to earth North Eastern likeability. This year she is still yet to say ANYTHING OF INTEREST.* She now no longer comments on singing ability, a performance, its relevance/believability, but instead the three most insightful things she’s said are  “I couldn’t be prouder of you”, “you’re my little geordie popstar”, “I know how badly you want to be in the final”. It’s like she can’t be bothered to voice an opinion. Which is a shame.  I say replace her with the awkward and amazing ginger haired one from Girls Aloud next year please.

Can I also just say how good every channel’s Christmas TV musical montage adverts are this year?

Cheeky Chappy:

1. Can You Feel It?

The odds of Olly going are 1:1. That’s not good is it? Do you get a pound back plus your pound, or just your pound back?

Despite that, I half liked it. The other half of me thought the performance seemed dated, with the dancers helpfully showing the colours of the rainbow that all-in-white Olly sang about; suddenly it all seemed a bit like a performance from a children’s TV show.

2. A song I’d never heard before but was actually quite catchy:

Now, I really liked this. Apart from the fit/dancing. Simon Cowell definitely told each act they had one special thing and that they should do it more frantically than ever before this week (see later Stacey’s big notes, Danyl’s performance fist gestures, and Joe’s very in tune-ness).

Olly has the energy Stacey lacks and the likeability Danyl doesn’t. He’s my favourite and of course he’s also the most likely to go.

Joe:

1. She’s Out Of My Life:

This was perhaps the most boring three minutes of my life. OK, that may be an exaggeration and he was more in tune than ever before. And yet still so boring. Somehow the emoting was more musical theatre than even the Lion King song was. And Louis “if that was on the radio you’d sell millions” – what a load of rubbish. A. That would never be on the radio. And B. it would sell about 3 copies after the fuss of the show’s died down.

Simon has decided he should win. I genuinely don’t know why Simon thinks Joe is marketable beyond his first single. I wait to be proved wrong. The Boyfriend did point out something of note, though: Joe’s the only contestant that doesn’t trend on Twitter. Which says a lot about his voters.

2. Open Arms:

Stacey:

1. The Way You Make Me Feel:

Stacey does the best VTs. When I set up my coaching business to teach reality TV contestants how to perfect the VT (plus post performance interview and reaction when getting through) I will use Stacey’s VTs as the archetypal example (along with this).

The performance was OK, interesting and understated. I liked the hat (BRING BACK RIKKI!) but she hid behind it, like a friend I had who used to hide behind her hair. I’m constantly waiting for her to let loose and maybe do a Christ-like gesture, like all good popstars do. (I think that when I write my overarching narrative there will be a whole blog post on Christ-like gestures in pop music, the most extreme example being this).

2. Somewhere:

The rumour was that Stacey was going to sing “You’ve Got The Love”, which would have been brilliant (not to mention bloody relevant/contemporary and probably believable). Whilst she didn’t fully convey the emotion of the song in her slightly blank facial expressions, those belting notes were amazing and powerful and will put her into the final.

I think tonight Stacey might have been modelled on someone else:

But whilst Stacey was good, when you watch this amazingness from last year you realize what a great Reality TV performance really is.

(I’ve learnt to be humble!) Danyl:

1. Man In The Mirror:

This song was Diana’s Vickers peak last year, where she was super innovative and performed with her back to the audience:

Back to Danyl and, apart from his typical overly aggressive performance, this  was spot on. And also apart from the, ahem, climate change slide show. Trying to make Danyl seem nice by linking him to social cause is a step too far. Do I hope the papers will twist it and show how Danyl is somehow part responsible for killing polar bears? Maybe a little. And how badly did I want him to drop the microphone when he did this? So much it hurt.

2. I Have Nothing:

His hideous attempt to cry in his VT will be used in my School of Reality TV as perhaps the ultimate what to not do.

After that, it was hard to take any of it seriously. And the song was not good.  He can sometimes sound unpleasantly nasal on the big notes. And it was boring.

Bottom 1:

Despite the odds, I say Danyl.

Mathematical formula says Olly. By miles.

*Ok, she said something interesting the week she said she “didn’t get” Danyl. That was good.