…that’d be OK”.* At least it seems that way in pop music nowadays. Last year’s X Factor winner Joe Mcelderry has come out to, well, minimal shock or horror and no suggestion that a helpline need be set up. Whilst in 2010 gay male popstars aren’t in short supply, Joe should be recognised and applauded for pushing at least one boundary: at 19, he may well be the youngest ever popstar to out himself to the entire nation.

Thankfully in 2010, there’s very little suggestion that Joe’s sexuality might negatively affect his musical career and countless examples to prove it won’t (Boyzone, Westlife, The Feeling, Scissor Sisters). Lucky Joe is also walking in someone else’s footsteps: almost eight years earlier Will Young traversed an almost identical path. Realty TV shows like Pop Idol give record companies less say over the artists they must take on; and, back in 2002, when Will Young won the first ever Pop Idol, his record company happened to get a gay winner. Like Joe, Will was a pioneer in that he came out at the beginning of what’s proven to be a multi-million selling pop career.

Will was out, but in early interviews was always reluctant to discuss his private life. To quote his News Of The World coming out article:

“I don’t wish to talk about it any further and I hope that people will respect that as my private life is my private life […] I’ve always been discreet… I’m not a campaigner when it comes to my sexuality”.

And fair enough: no-one should either feel forced to talk about their sexuality or to keep quiet about it. But, I couldn’t help but feel slightly sad at these comments. The implication is that it’s OK to be gay, but it’s something very private and it’s better not to talk about the details. Growing up, what I really wanted was a gay popstar who was willing to talk – and occasionally sing – about being gay.

And the “sing about it” is where it gets interesting (I promise), in that being gay creates a tension for a popstar. At the core of this career choice is the need to sing about your love life very, well, publically. And whilst songs – particularly in pop – don’t need to be autobiographical, if you want to be a vaguely credible artist there’s the need for *some* illusion that you are singing from experience.

Which leads me to nicely to the point of this blog post: in 2010 it is OK to be a gay popstar, but it’s still not that OK to sing about it. I can hardly think of a mainstream pop song, sung by a man, explicitly to another man.

And you say: it shouldn’t really matter if there is a gender reference or not, right? Universality is often the key to a great song and love is love. Which is fine, until you think that in your average straight male artist’s repertoire I bet you there’ll be – at some point – the odd reference to “woman”, “she” or “girl”. Or a music video with a mysterious female in it. Rather than gender references not mattering, it seems that in songs sung by gay men they’re actively avoided in favour of neutrality.

As a gay person you’re constantly surrounded by representations of heterosexual relationships: most music videos contain a male-female relationship. TV bed adverts (my pet hate) show exclusively heterosexual couples (gay people don’t need beds). In fact, virtually every TV advert that depicts a relationship shows a heterosexual one. Which in both pop music and TV advertising might seem fair enough, with approximately 90% of the population being straight. But it would be nice if there was even just the odd mainstream pop song sung by a man to a “he” or “man”. I think many gay men do want this: I remember the online debates about whether Boyzone’s first single after Stephen Gately came out included him singing “oh boy” (it didn’t, it was “oh baby”).

Scrolling through my iPod, I can find but one example in mainstream pop. Over the years Will Young did open up more about his sexuality, leading the pack in 2005 by singing about “Mr Fabulous” in his hit single “Switch It On”; and then spoils us even more with a brilliant music video that happens to be a gay spoof to Top Gun.

And it’s not all doom and gloom: I did also find a few examples of artists singing about gay experiences. The Feeling’s “Rose” is a fantastic metaphor for alternative sexuality; whilst the Scissor Sister’s “Take Your Mama” is a guide for coming out to your mum. Both are quite coded, but all the better for it because they offer numerous interpretations for the listener. But I still rack my brain, and my iPod, to find a simple love song sung by a man, to another man. Is it the last pop music taboo? Or is it because my musical encyclopaedia is too small (and if so please do prove me wrong in the comments section. Or if you agree, comment anyway. It helps create a “buzz” around my blog, which helps me prove to Literary Agent Flatmate that I should be published immediately).

Onwards, and Boyzone’s 2008 single “Better” deserves mention. This release truly did push boundaries: not through the song, which contains no gay references, but instead in the music video, the first ever by a Boyband to replace the ubiquitous mysterious female love interest with a mysterious male. Neutral, schmeutral.

What about women singing about women then? Well, recently there’s been an exciting proliferation of seemingly straight women singing pop songs specifically about lesbian inclinations. Katy Perry had a worldwide number one with “I Kissed A Girl” and Rihanna’s current single “Te Amo” is all about the unrequited love of another woman, which the music video shows, well, vividly. The amazing Gaga – pioneering as ever – takes it a (confusing) step further by pretending to be a gay man in her “Alejandro” video. And it’s not completely one sided: Franz Ferdinand’s “Michael” is all about, well, lust for Michael. And McFly – in-between removing their clothes for magazines – did a fantastic cover of “I Kissed A Girl”.

But it’s interesting that the majority of people in the mainstream singing about gay love are all, seemingly, well, straight.

Let’s end coming full circle to Joe Mcelderry and more specifically the last year’s X Factor that created him. Cast your minds back to week one, when contestant Danyl sang “I’m Telling You”, an unusual (but great) song choice very much associated with a female singer. Judge Dannii Minogue caused uproar when stating that openly bisexual Danyl need not have changed the song’s gender references from male to female. The media attacked Dannii, but she had a valid point – if sexuality doesn’t matter, why when you’re bisexual should you need to bother changing the gender to ensure the song is heterosexual? This wasn’t the only time gender references were changed in the series: another contestant, Lloyd, sang “I Kissed A Girl” but altered the line “hope my boyfriend don’t mind it” to “girlfriend”. Not only did this awkwardly change the meaning of the song from one of sexual experimentation to nonsensical infidelity, it just felt unnecessary in 2009.

At times the pop music world is at the forefront of gay equality, but it still has some way to go. Bring on the day Joe Mcelderry can launch his solo career with a worldwide number one called “I Kissed A Boy”. Oh and whilst we’re at it, the day when a footballer comes out.

*From the brilliant musical “Avenue Q”. Go see it. Incidentally, I should be a lyricist as the next line totally rhymes.

Every year, me and my friends have a fake Christmas day about a week before Christmas. It’s pretty much exactly like  Wham’s Last Christmas video. Last year, I was in charge of entertainment and took this opportunity to pioneer an exciting new game, called Share A Shocking Revelation. One by one we went round the table and admitted something shocking (“I hate Disney”; “I’ve been to 11 Boyzone concerts”; “I have a fear of walking over three drains in a row”) and we all felt much better for getting it out in the open. So, Internet Following, shall we play? I’ll start – with 10 revelations:

1. I hate cartoons.

 According to my mum, as a child I refused to watch cartoons “because they are not real”. This has continued into adulthood where I still believe there is nothing worse than the bit in Mary Poppins when it becomes a cartoon. Why couldn’t they have got a load of real animals and made it look like they were singing?

2. I don’t think Ross and Rachel should have ended up together in Friends.

I love Friends, but the last episode was pretty rubbish. Made all the worse by the fact that at this point in the series Ross had become a caricature of himself and him and Rachel hadn’t bothered dating for at least six seasons. So when they suddenly got together at the end of the last episode it just didn’t feel real. Like cartoons.

3. I think Diana Vickers is the best thing to have come out of the X Factor.

Yes, better than Leona. I know, I know, she can’t sing as well but I love her quirky pop and even the claw. Watch, for example, this amazing video where she acts out the whole of her song with the claw, including being stabbed by an arrow just before each chorus.

Does it matter that I only understand three words in the song? No.

4. I think Build Me Up Buttercup is the worst song of all time.

Yes, worse even than Chumbawumba’s “Tubthumping”. There’s something about “Build Me Up Buttercup” that sums up every rubbish night out I had at university spent in a club I didn’t really want to be in, dancing to rubbish music with groups of people alternating between inappropriately snogging each other and crying. Those introductory bars are enough to make me shudder.

5. I spent 26 years of my life believing that Wolves were not real.

When during an important work meeting I announced that wolves weren’t real, but were in fact mythical beasts, I genuinely believed it.  

6. If it had been an Andy Murray & Andy Roddick Wimbledon final, I would have supported Roddick.

Shocking, I know and completely unpatriotic. But it’s very much my rule in sport that everyone should win at least once and Federer was a bit selfish last year when he beat Roddick when he’d already won five times before. So I felt it was Roddick’s year. Plus Roddick has really nice eyes.

7. I think ice-cream is too cold.

I also think generally it’s a waste of time. Bring me a bowl of custard instead any day.

8. I often secretly watch Price Drop TV.

I find these programmes sickly addictive and am getting increasingly persuaded to nearly buy things.  Like these amazing vacuum-suction storage bags I saw on the other night. They look amazing! Really good value too.

9. I once went to a Boyzone concert (just to support the friend who’s been 11 times) and got so drunk I was sick on the tube on the way home.

In my defence, the tickets were free and we had a free box at the O2. There is nothing to excuse the vomiting on the tube or the fact that I know all the actions to “A Different Beat” (a song that incomprehensibly rhymes “Africa” with “Niagara”).

10. I find Derren Brown attractive  

Maybe everyone does and that confusing TV show he did where he predicted the lottery results was actually full of subliminal message around his attractiveness?  Maybe.

There we go Internet Following. Now please share some of yours. So that I feel less humiliated.

My ideal Saturday morning involves me placing myself horizontally on a sofa whilst watching the music video channels for longer than is probably healthy. This stems from my teenage years when me and my friends would socialize by going round each other houses to watch music videos on Sky. The most important Dawson’s Creek-esque conversations of my teenage years took place to a backdrop of late 90s music videos.

Years of this have led to two things. The first is that I now spend much of my days actually believing myself to be in a music video. The second is the exciting discovery that every good Boyband video needs the following four elements:

1. The Christ-like Gesture:

This is the *only* way for a Boyband member to show a climax of emotion. The frequency of the gesture should increase throughout the song, reaching a frenzied peak at the key change. Falling down on your knees whilst doing the Christ-like gesture is an ultimate display of emotion. See Mark Owen below.

Here are some more of particular note (especially note Jason Orange who holds a holy light in one hand):

Westlife really pushed this concept forward in “Flying Without Wings”. They not only coordinated their gestures (see below) but there was also levitation. Can this ever be beaten?

2. Location:

The location *must* either be an abandoned urban space or a deserted dramatic landscape. An industrial warehouse is perfect for the urban setting. A cliff top is the best for dramatic landscape. Westlife are particularly good at the latter and get bonus points for including snow in their “What About Now” video below and thereby potentially making it all about climate change.

Some interesting urban interior examples include Five’s “Keep On Moving”, which even features a lift, and “Beat Again” by JLS, which shows how relevant the warehouse is even today. It also features a nice fire escape in the background.

But the ultimate example (urban) must be Boyzone’s “No Matter What”: what is this strange abandoned factory that houses a giant hot air balloon?

The best location award (landscape) goes to Take That “Patience”. A cliff top. Mist. A raging storm. Amazing. (I like to think the dragging of their heavy microphones up the cliff top is a reference to Christ carrying the cross up the hill, making the whole video a big metaphor for Take That making their big comeback and being prepared to be crucified by the public (but actually being showered in glory).* Ahem.

3. A mysterious female figure:

Boyzone really embrace this concept in “Baby Can I Hold You Tonight”, with not just one, but several spooky women (see below). The ideal mysterious woman should do very little apart from standing and looking a bit miserable.

A special shout out must also be made for Boyzone’s “Better”, which contains the first ever mysterious male figure in a Boyband video.