X Factor 2011: The Finale
Dec 11th
IT’S THE FINALE.
I’ve invariably lost the will to blog by the final. Maybe it’s because all the acts I like have usually gone (poor Scottish Adele); maybe it’s because nothing could top Alexandra Burke crying in Beyonce’s face; or maybe it’s sheer exhaustion. So, readers, here are some half-hearted observations about Saturday’s finale (submitted approximately 16 hours too late). Read the rest of this entry »
X Factor 2011: Week Nine
Dec 4th
Morning all. I was out last night, so sincere apologies for the delayed X Factor blog. I know, I know, it’s the semi-final and I should be demonstrating commitment. Well, is dragging yourself out of bed at 8:30am enough commitment for you? Yes? Jesus, you guys are demanding.
I’m also watching online via Scottish TV player on a computer that can’t handle fast graphics. Which means minus points to anyone who tries to move in their performances. I’m essentially looking for people who can stand rigidly still throughout.
Dermot’s dancing annihilates my computer. Read the rest of this entry »
X Factor 2011: Week Eight
Nov 26th
Hello everyone! Tonight it’s a “Heroes and Guilty Pleasures” theme. This has got to be the week when someone does “Swagger Jagger”, hasn’t it? That’s what we’re all hoping for, right? And as for guilty pleasures, I have high hopes for Shampoo. Read the rest of this entry »
X Factor 2011: Week…oh god what week is it? [IT'S WEEK SEVEN]
Nov 19th
Movie week. Otherwise known as pick a song and then work out how it might be related to a movie week. Following last week’s bottom two debacle I’ve lost all faith in the Great British public; also, I’ve eaten half a 180g Cadbury’s chocolate bar within the last two minutes. This could be a tough evening.
I really hope someone sings the music from Inception tonight. Read the rest of this entry »
X Factor 2011: Week Six
Nov 12th
It’s a Gaga vs. Queen theme week then. Which is entirely nonsensical, but don’t worry. At least one of the acts will surely sing Kei$ha at some point tonight.
Apart from that, what are we hoping for? Well, essentially we’re hoping for a rule change that means that Mischa B takes all six performance slots. I have everything crossed. Read the rest of this entry »
X Factor Blog 2011: Week Five
Nov 6th
I’m back very small group of people who more often than not I emotionally blackmail into reading this Readers!
Well, what’s happened since I’ve been away? Basically, I find myself flying in the face of public opinion. I liked Alexandra Burke as a judge. I still like Kelly Rowland. I really like Mischa B. I think okay.com is a legitimate phrase. Swagger Jagger is a tremendous, defiant pop record. I think the Alternative Vote would be a better electoral voting system. I thought last week’s creepy crimped hair performance by Janet was her best to date.
Moving swiftly on, this week had a “Club Classics” theme. Which I think we can all agree sounds legitimately hideous. All in all, what kind of club night did we have? I’d say it was the kind of night where at least three of the party end up crying hysterically in the toilets. That, and, well, essentially it was a club night from 26 years ago. That’s right, the average release date of the songs performed was 1986. I took the trouble to work that our with wikipedia, a word document and a calculator. And yes, I do judge myself for that.
But let’s accept things for what they are and thank ourselves for small mercies: at least no-one performed “Build Me Up Buttercup”. Read the rest of this entry »
X Factor Blog 2011: Week Three
Oct 23rd
Hello readers! I know, I know, Rock Week is likely to be unbearable. So let’s try and find ourselves a safe reference point for this week to hold onto throughout. Back in the olden days, week three used to mean “Big Band Week”. This arguably brought us some of the show’s best performances, including Leona Lewis’s game-changing “Summertime” in 2008. This seminal performance is today’s point of comparison.
On the other hand, past Rock Weeks have brought us…*gaping, aching silence*. Read the rest of this entry »
X Factor Blog 2011–Week Two
Oct 16th
Week Two. Last week our benchmark for assessing an act’s quality was: can they both sing AND rap. This week’s yardstick: is their performance as good as Cher Lloyd’s week two performance of “Hard Knock Life” from last year?
And like Gary Barlow, I don’t want silly, I don’t want “fun”. I want taking-it-seriously performances followed by constructive criticism. With rap.
As I’m late with this week’s blog, a personal challenge for me: can I sum up each act in one tweet-worthy sentence? *Rolls sleeves up*. Read the rest of this entry »
X Factor Blog 2011–Week One
Oct 8th
So it’s that time of year again! *Downs a mulled wine*. Which means the Almost Live Blogging of the X Factor is back for a third year, in the desperate hope that one day, someone, somewhere might actually pay me to write something like this on an apple mac or EVEN BLOODY OFFER ME A BOOK DEAL (hello Literary Agent Ex-Flatmate).
A lot’s changed in a year. Most significantly I can now only express thoughts about TV in 140 characters. #BringBackCherLloyd.
And a lot’s also changed on the X Factor. The show has returned completely brand new and in no way do we seem to have Diana Vickers, Katie Waissel and Tabby (for god’s sake) back in the Live Shows.
But what have we learnt from the last three years? Basically, we’re now only really interested if you can sing AND rap. That is the essential criteria by which we will judging the whole show this year.
That and whether the dog I’m dog-sitting for likes it. Good luck contestants! Read the rest of this entry »
X Factor 2010: The Final (Sunday)
Dec 12th
19.05: The beginning of the end. We’re left with three acts. Three acts who can all sing ballads quite well. Not sensationally well, like Leona Lewis, or with great performability*, like Alexandra Burke, or with relevant dance moves, like JLS. But still quite well.
I have a bottle of wine and some angel delight here, so am fully prepared. Read the rest of this entry »
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