Morning all. I was out last night, so sincere apologies for the delayed X Factor blog. I know, I know, it’s the semi-final and I should be demonstrating commitment. Well, is dragging yourself out of bed at 8:30am enough commitment for you? Yes? Jesus, you guys are demanding.

I’m also watching online via Scottish TV player on a computer that can’t handle fast graphics. Which means minus points to anyone who tries to move in their performances. I’m essentially looking for people who can stand rigidly still throughout.

Dermot’s dancing annihilates my computer.

Mischa B:

Last week, I discovered that I’ve been spelling Mischa B’s name wrong for weeks. This is almost as embarrassing as the Dann(i)i debacle of 2009, but not as bad as when I once ended a blog post with “your” instead of “you’re”.

VT: Mischa B worries for no real reason worries about a world without music.

Performance: Mischa does an excellent performance of “Dancing In The Street” with commanding choreography, a distinctive vocal and a futuristic outfit. It all works. And yet Eggnog is likely to have gotten further than she will. These are the realities of the world we live in. Well done, Great British public, well done.

Amelia Lily:

VT: Amelia goes to a CD shop.

Performance: I like Amelia as she seems tough as nails and then sings with a beautiful tone. Importantly, she’s also adapted to every theme with ease while also performing some of the best vocals of the competition. This week she delivers “Ain’t No Mountain” with gusto (and minimal shouting, myfizzypop), looking 110% confident. Should I judge myself for the use of the word “gusto”? Probably.

My love for Amelia is not just because her name reminds me of Amy Pond or that, along with Janet looking eerily like Amy throughout the series, I’m hoping that this year’s X Factor might have actually been one elaborate Dr Who episode. Incidentally, Scottish TV Player keeps repeating an advert about the people who have shaped Scotland, ending with “Amy Pond”, which is 100% right, isn’t it Literary Agent Ex Flatmate? She better bloody be in the Dr Who Christmas special or there will be trouble. And by trouble I mean an angry complaint letter. And possibly a half-hearted twitter campaign.

Little Mix:

Oh god please stop calling them my little muffins. Just please.

VT: Kelly explains how Little Mix’s bond reminds her of Destiny’s Child’s: but she’s not specific about which of the three incarnations of the group she’s talking about.

Performance: everyone on Twitter (and the Judges) hated this. I fly in their faces by thinking it was pretty good. I liked the simmering aggression and even the solo vocals. The spoken line was an abomination.

What I think is in Little Mix’s favour is that they’re starting to demonstrate individual personalities, which was at the heart of the Spice Girls’ success. Alright, I watched the Xtra Factor once and they seemed quite funny.

Marcus:

VT: Marcus is a likeable chap, isn’t he?

Performance: couldn’t they have modernised “My Girl” in some way and not dressed Marcus as High School Musical? It was a competent vocal if a bit pitchy towards the end. Maybe it was a semi-tone too high/a groove song/a six eight song in four two time, etc [it turns out I can’t remember any grade five music theory although I can still draw a treble cleff].

THE SECOND HALF:

We’re now into the second half, which has the impressive theme of “Songs That Will Get You Into The Final”. This should be translated to “Songs Where There Is The Greatest Potential To Shout Loudly In Tune For As Long As Possible Towards The End”. Right, here we go everyone!

Mischa B

I think I enjoy self-referential singing the most on the X Factor and will petition until the end for it to be a themed week; along with “let’s accuse someone of being a bully” and “likely to be a shock exit” themed weeks. But for me, nothing has topped last year’s “sod it” Waissel singing “Help” while a house deconstructed around her.

So, well done for Mischa B going all meta with Pink’s song “Perfect”, singing all about judgement and character assassination, etc and also for showing us how to command an audience with a ballad and build a song. As for shouting loudly in tune for as long as possible towards the end: mostly good here, some very occasional off notes. 8/10. But then she raps and the score is immediately re-edited to 11/10.

Gary has a fair enough dig at Tulisa for the unnecessary “bully” comments that basically destroyed Mischa B’s chances, forcing her to subtext “I’M NICE GOD DAMMIT” in every VT for the last six weeks.

Amelia Lily:

There has been a distinct lack of the “Jesus light” this year; but it was back here for Amelia in a slightly new form as a big gaping black hole with blue rings. Not sure of the symbolism here.

As for “shouting loudly in tune for as long as possible towards the end” – an excellent 9/10 for Amelia here. Some of the notes she hit were very impressive, just a couple ever so slightly off. But what I love about Amelia is that she never seems like she’s doing karaoke, but instead immerses herself in every song she’s done. In other words, what Tulisa said.

Marcus:

In the wrong key for him, surely at the beginning? Too low? And then too high? And then got better when we focused more on the dancing and, yes well some of the big notes at the end were good. Basically 6.5/10.

Little Mix:

7/10 here: the one that everyone thinks is the best singer delivered some great notes, very loud and mostly in tune, with some good feeling too. All in all, much better than last week’s “Beautiful”, with more interestng aggressive energy and passable individual vocals.Go on you hotbed of potential regional votes, High Wycombe: you get voting.

Right, we’ve reached the end of the semi. Before I go, can I check in about something here? Did anyone else think Louis Walsh was talking mostly sense, throughout?

Bottom One: Based on the performances tonight the bottom one should be Marcus. Instead though it will be Mischa B going, won’t it?

The Boyfriend emerges just in time to witness the recap. “Why is everyone shouting?”.