We begin and – I’m sorry – why has no-one explained the Guilty Pleasure theme? How will the voters understand that when each act performs something abysmal that they are actually being self-reflectively ironic? It quickly becomes apparent that some of the contestants are being forced to do hideous, embarrassing songs and others are not. (If I was 14 years old and had access to a forum I would be creating a thread entitled “Sabotage!!!” right now.)
And poor Elton John. They are trying to make everyone hate him instead of Katie, in the way that they tried to blame Sting for everything that went wrong last year. Evil or not, Katie is by far the best thing about this show and in honour of Katie, I am quoting her (very amusing) fake Twitter alter ego’s thoughts on each and every performance in the blog tonight.
Paije:
Paije committed the cardinal sin of telling me how much he really wants it. That makes no difference to me, Paije. If that mattered, then *I’d* be a bloody popstar by now (I really, really want it). Either way, Paije performed first, so they obviously want him out.
Over to you, (fake) Katie:
John:
On the sight of John’s new hair and sparkly suit, Other Flatmate blurted out: “I think what they do to this man every week is a form of bullying”. You can’t put it better than that.
Louis is doing an interesting job of making John relevant: week one he did a song from 1996, week two from 1970s and week three 1982.
And oh f**k, the ballet dancers from last year are back.
Rebecca:
THIS IS NOT A GUILTY PLEASURE. In fact, it was disappointingly boring. For the second time, Cheryl praised a contestant for being “100% here in front of our eyes”. If turning up is the best praise you can give, things aren’t looking great.
Incidentally, the highlight of everyone’s week seems to have been a trip to Topshop.
Cher:
THIS IS NOT A GUILTY PLEASURE.
Cher seems to have come dressed as a 40 year old geography teacher’s idea of “street”.
I did love it (because it seemed “relevant” and also because I used to love No Diggity when I was young), but she was better when it was just her and a simple backing track on stage in the auditions. The massive productions somewhat swallow her up and really I just want her, a mic and the words “ringy dingy dingy” over a Coldplay song.
Matt:
Oh right, finally someone is actually doing the guilty pleasures theme. WASN’T THIS THE POINT OF THE WHOLE OF TONIGHT’S SHOW? To try and transform a guilty pleasure into a credible classic?
He’s playing a guitar so I’m instantly impressed. And it gets better and better, as he innovates by transforming the song into an intense, angry number. Thank God someone is doing something interesting.
[Update: I've been told that he copied Travis' version of the song. Hey, at least he played a guitar].
Fake Katie had nothing to say about Matt.
One Direction:
THIS IS NOT A GUILTY PLEASURE. I’m truly getting angry at the theme now. This is not helped by their haircuts, which are starting to really upset me. (Literary Agent Flatmate: “maybe the guilty pleasure is One Direction themselves?”). Definitely the greatest band in the history of the world currently – now comparable with the Beatles – sang a Pink song in tune.
TreyC:
TreyC came dressed as a crow.
But this song WAS NOT A GUILTY PLEASURE.
She screams a lot (in tune), which I like, but why is she yet to excite me? Why? Someone define that for me in a sentence please.
(When Maria Lawson tried rock chick she was unexpectedly voted out. Just FYI).
Mary from Tesco:
THIS IS NOT A GUILTY PLEASURE!
Mary standing in black belting out an age old classic? Come on! She could have been doing something phenomenal, like Salt N Pepper’s “Push It”.
My innate sense of justice is annoyed at how, just because Mary’s first song choice wasn’t going well, she changed it mid-week to something she sang in the first audition. Completely bypassing the theme.
Aiden:
They’ve gone back to the psychotic killer theme for Aiden, and I must say, it works. Even if it sounded like he was singing most of the song in a different key to the backing track. For some reason this doesn’t matter when I listen to Aiden. Maybe I’m scared? Or maybe the quirky intensity is enough for me.
Belle Amie:
I am fully behind Belle Amie: their innovative song choice and undeniable energy make them the most exciting girl band right now since the Spice Girls.*
(Why do they need to constantly stare at each other mid-performance as though they’re all checking just in case one of them is doing something better than they are?)
(OH AND THIS IS NOT A GUILTY PLEASURE. GIRLS ALOUD COVERED THIS).
Wagner:
Having seen the photo of Wagner with a lion, I actually want Wagner to win.
Katie:
THIS WAS UNEXPECTED GENIUS.
Finally, a proper, genuine, brilliant guilty pleasure, re-interpreted.
No one will vote for her. But we all know the public are fools.
What a guilty pleasure of a show, eh? By far the best performances came from Katie and Matt, the only two that actually took on the theme. Well done you two.
This week, I will go as far as boldly predicting a bottom two:
- Belle Amie
- John
*I have Belle Amie in the work sweepstake.
Contents
October 24, 2010 - 1:00 am
Yes wasn’t it nice of Matt to sing Travis’ version of Baby One More Time and Aiden to do Arctic Monkey’s version of Diamonds Are Forever? Scoot around youtube a bit and i bet there’s a ballad version of Ain’t Nobody embedded somewhere.
I have to give it to Katie this week. She probably gave the most fun performance. They did sort of hide the theme behind “secret songs you listen to”. I am now regretting suggesting that Wand Erection sang U + Ur Hand if they were going to do Pink. It seems highly inappropriate. The theme is nonsensical. Just like Vargnar.
October 24, 2010 - 2:51 am
Shockingly Katie is starting to win me over.
Wagner deserves no love for 30 year old feline frolicking. Even if he was “hunky”. If it wasn’t for the staring at a train wreck factor, I would skip his performance every week.
Maybe they should add scoring to the show so those who can’t get with the theme can get penalized. Oh then I suppose all the judges would be kicked out then. Why bother having a theme if there is not even an attempt to stick to it.
October 24, 2010 - 10:55 am
Paul – I actually thought Matt was being innovative. I feel duped. Still, he can play a guitar.
Katie is currently the only act able to vary her performance each week.
Your Pink suggestion would’ve been perfect for One Direction, although I still can’t forgive you softness for them (for want of a better word).
Dwayne – join the Katie bus! Or train. I’m not sure what it is at the moment, but it’s going to be epic (until next week when she gets voted off, because she can’t top the Jungle Book).
October 24, 2010 - 5:05 pm
By dint of a) being in Manchester, b) the magic of ITV2 and c) having a horrific hangover, I actually watched this week’s. I then wished I hadn’t, as only Vaaargner and Katie-with-fried-hair-and-an-existing-record-deal did songs which actually fell into the category. Go back to doing ABBA week if you can’t think of something new that you can stick to, Simon. I am interested by none of these people. Maybe this.will change by the final?