I’m normally not that bothered about Celebrity Big Brother. However, in the last few days there has been a Twitter campaign calling for me to blog about it.* I’ve also discovered that The Guardian has produced a Live Blog on it; if my potential future employers are interested in it, then so am I.

However, having returned to work today, I can only cope with things if they are a bullet point list. So here we are. Everything must have a • before it. Otherwise it is meaningless chaos.

• The booing of the crowd on launch night is always an excellent indication of what is wrong with the world. This year we learnt that the British public have strong emotions of hatred towards glamour models, prostitution, home-wreckers and Stephen Baldwin’s “light of truth”. We don’t really love anything. Personally, I’m sort of fascinated by Stephen Baldwin’s smiley face and his soft soft voice which I find a bit hypnotic. Heidi Fleiss’ face is also something I marvel at.

• The hated glamour model (Nicola T) is asked by Davina: “what would be your worst nightmare in the house”? Nicola: “skid marks on the loo”. Yes, mentioning poo in your first 60 seconds on the tele is definitely a wise way forward.
• Davina was dressed as a gorilla.

• Davina: “Big Brother based the kitchen on an autopsy room”. The fact that this statement didn’t seem that weird says something. I’m not totally sure what it says. Maybe something about how Big Brother has pushed the boundaries of odd telly but now we’re a bit dulled to it. When did Big Brother jump the shark? For me, it came during Season 5 when I realized I was watching a whole episode just waiting for a housemate to be sick after Big Brother made them ride a roundabout for ages after eating party food (a moment that had been heavily previewed). Or the moment when they made the housemates cling to a climbing frame above stinging nettles.
• Back to this year, and each celebrity has a laughing clown head above their bed that will wake them up each morning. This house is definitely designed to induce a crazy meltdown. I predict Alex Reid. One day everyone will wake up and he’ll be cackling in the corner of the autopsy room dressed as Jordan with make up smeared across his face, rebelliously spelling out long words in pebbles.
• Lady Sovereign was announced as “the female Eminem”. Davina then asked: “What would be your worst type of housemate?”. Lady Sovereign: “yeah. Or, yeah. Whatever he [pointing to random man in crowd] said”. Yes she definitely has Eminem’s way with words.
• I wish I could put spaces between these bullet points. But I don’t know how. How can people manage to create the internet yet make bullet point lists on computers such hard work?
• Sisqo entered the show to a sudden and unexpected full blown performance of “The Thong Song”. But why didn’t Dane Bowers get to do a version of “You’re Out Of Your Mind” featuring guest appearance from Victoria Beckham? Do you think she was busy?
• I had a sudden realization that Dane Bowers, Peter Andre and even Gareth Gates all look a bit alike.
• Last night me and my (The Only One Who Will Watch Big Brother With Me) Flatmate watched intently as the blind by Steven Baldwin’s bed went down, crushed a few of his things, went up again, and then back down. This sequence took at least 5 minutes. It is moments like this that make me feel like I’ve wasted my life.
• And that’s your lot. I’ve just found a “101 Things Removed From The Human Body” on tele.

*A whole 3 people suggested I did, which I think constitutes a campaign, even if one of them was The Boyfriend.